This blog is a wonderful place to express myself and everything I go through. This morning at 5 am I woke up and just started writing. I was inspired by a thought and just wanted to record it on paper. This is a letter to me at age 26. These words are pure expression thoughts which came out on paper, bold without fear or judgement and true to who I am.
“My only goal is knowledge. That is the only thing I want, everything else I do is only for practical reason and not as an ultimate goal.
I have been trapped by the want of material things. The ‘social standard’ of success, an image of a successful person who has achieved top level at something, wears pretty clothes, hangs out with top people and sleeps with hot women…etc. But I don’t want that really. It is what the society wants, and my thoughts becoming influenced by what I see around being ‘sold’ in the name of success.
I was stressed that I would need to make more money so that I would find a better woman to marry. I was feeling very confused as the life situation is becoming very complex. A lot of things are mixing together. So logically, I was stressed about how to go about it.
Thing is that, I could attract anything I want to. I can even attract a better partner to marry. But now it feels like wasting too much mental energy to go after any material success. After all, I have had love and just got out of it, and I am not satisfied. Problem is that such things never satisfy. Sometimes you think that you are satisfied but it isn’t so. Your energy, your wants just move from one place to another. You get bored with one lover after 4 years, so you find something or someone else to love. It never ends.
So I don’t see point in trying to satisfy or chase another material need. All material desires can be achieved right here, right now with eyes closed and strong visualization. Your mind can’t tell a difference between what is real and what is strongly visualized. A strong visualization becomes a memory same as real events.
All I want to go after is knowledge. Because when I sleep, my waking life doesn’t exist. It is gone. When I wake up, my sweet dream where I was reunited with my lover is gone. Such short lives can’t be real. There must be something that goes beyond both these dreams. Even if there isn’t, I have to make an attempt to know because it is clearly foolish to chase ‘success’ in your ‘dreams’. After all, the dream will be over soon.
So do not let your mind be distracted by social notions of success. Your deepest desire is to find the knowledge that will make you wake up from this dream. Put all your psychic energy in the search for this knowledge. As you have known, practical things take care of themselves. I am grateful that I never had to sleep hungry. I have got so much in this life that I am grateful for! I have ability to earn enough to survive and as I work, I will naturally become more capable since I am a naturally hard-working and intelligent person.
Some people find me ‘boring’ because they can’t read thoughts. Before you judge someone, you should make an attempt to get into his mind, what goes in it. If a person is uninterested in most worldly and social things, that means that there must be something within him so strong enough to attract him.
In conclusion, there is nothing to worry about. Give up all worries of the world and put your heart in the search for knowledge. Continue your ‘search for self’ with more fire than ever…”