Dealing with gaslighting and negative behaviours

The topic for this blog-post was suggested by Manisha from Be yourself unapologetically She writes poems and articles on various topics that you might find interesting. I like her poem HILLS ~ A POEM (FICTION) which expresses a wonder about nature and fantasy of a child. Do check out her blog to know more about her!

If you want to get featured on my blog, check out this page.

What is gaslighting ?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes such as low self-esteem.”

Wikipedia

In simple words, when someone is trying to belittle you by abusive words or simply making you feel negative about yourself, it is a form of gaslighting.

It is especially dangerous because it distorts our own perceptions about ourselves. It is a form of hypnosis which can change our internal beliefs in a highly negative way.

Some examples:

  • A boss abusing and belittling an employee (over and over) for insignificant errors
  • A friend or a spouse manipulating a person to make him/her feel low and depressed
  • A bully harassing others for an ego boost
  • Absolutely any negative behaviour that attempts to assault another person’s beliefs and existence

We see such examples in everyday life. So, we must always be ready to defend ourselves against it. In fact, we must be prepared to deal with all kinds of negative behaviours that can harm us. that:

Dealing with gaslighting

So here are some ideas that will help you deal with all kinds of negative behaviours.

1.) Shift Your Focus towards YOURSELF

If you are feel that you easily become victim of such negative behaviours, you need a complete shift in your mindset. Instead of thinking about that person, you need to shift your focus towards YOU.

You must realise that there are two elements which make gaslighting successful:

  • The actions of a person who is attempting gaslighting
  • The reactions of the mind of the victim

You have no control over the actions of others. But you can have complete control over how your mind reacts. If you somehow shield your mind to their words and actions, you will not be affected by it. It is as simple as that.

You will keep being a victim as long as you think about their actions and ignore your reaction. So it is very important that you stop thinking about their words and focus on making your mind strong and positive.

You can move on to step 2 only when you have made that clear.

2.) Don’t accept their words

It is up to you to accept or reject their negative words. You have a choice. Read this beautiful story.

“It is said that one day the Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him, saying all kind of rude words.

The Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man, “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The young man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”

Negativity can only be eliminated by positivity. If you are faced with negative environment, your positive attitude will cut that fog like a knife through butter. When your mind is trained to be calm and positive, you have a powerful shield around you, which always protects you.

3.) Play with your mind perceptions

Gaslighting is someone else attempting to play with your perceptions for negative results. You can do the opposite. You can start playing with your own mind to bring positive results.

Visualize that image or a memory of the moment when you were hearing those words. Now, MUTE. See, you don’t hear anything now! It feels loads better to mute their meaningless words, doesn`t it? Play with them and make that memory as funny as you can.

Remember “harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban”? How did students face their darkest fears? They imagined them in a funny way. They played with their perceptions. It really works! riddikulus!

4.) Practice positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are counter forces for any negative thing you feel. If words can make you feel depressed, words can also uplift and inspire you and increase your self esteem!

Use the words in your favour. What you say about yourself is far more powerful and effective than what anyone else can say. Check out my post on Using Affirmations to influence your unconscious mind.

Keep company of people who make you feel really positive about yourself. Write, read and take in only the information that feeds your positive attitude.

5.) Forgive

Only when you have filled yourself with positive force, you will be able to forgive. Forgiving is not about them, it is about you. When you forgive, you will lift up a great burden from yourself. You will let go of all the negative thoughts that you were holding for that person.

Understand that behaving in such a way is their nature, and forgiveness is the greatness that you are!

Conclusion

No one in the world has the power to make you believe what you don’t want to. This post started by listing the negative actions of other people, but I will always emphasize the power of positivity that YOU can have. It is far more important than anything that anyone has to offer. So, train your mind and make it stronger, wiser and positive.

Here are some questions to think about:

  • Do I ever feel victim to someone else’s words?
  • Do I react too negatively to other people’s behaviours?
  • Is there any relationship in my life that constantly makes me feel bad about myself ? Can I end it?
  • How can I shift my mindset towards becoming a more positive person?
  • Who are the most positive and empowering people I have around me?

Thank you for reading. This was the first suggested post that I have made, and I enjoyed writing it!

If you want to suggest me a topic and get featured on my blog, check out this page.

Featured image source: Eric ward on unsplash

36 thoughts on “Dealing with gaslighting and negative behaviours

Add yours

    1. Yes absolutely true! These social problems can only be eradicated through education of love and relationship. Such large scale transformations will take time. Till then we must know how to deal with them..
      Thank you for reading:)

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Thankyou Sarthak!
    I could relate to each and every word you have written over here.
    I actually had watery eyes while reading and remembering all the shitty experiences I had.

    You are soo right.
    Forgiving is really very important which I have been trying for so long but it is just not easy.

    Lastly I want to say that you have done a wonderful job here.

    I will try to keep these points in mind the next time I encounter such behaviour.

    God bless you 🤍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I am glad you found this helpful. I hope my words will help you deal with the situation better. If you ever want to talk about this topic, I am always available 🙂

      Thanks Manisha! Good to get to know you! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Reblogged this on Be yourself unapologetically and commented:
    Thankyou Sarthak for considering my suggestion for the topic (Gaslighting). As I have personally been through it, I could totally relate to each and every word written over here.
    I must say that you have done full justice to the topic.

    Do follow his page morphousnarratives.wordpress.com for more amazing posts.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi …
    I heard that you have suggested this topic..
    So wonderful topic to be discussed.
    Thanks for suggesting
    I can recommend a book
    The Girl On The Train
    Do read it. You will know more through that story
    HapPy BLoGgiNg!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey.. I guess you are recommending it to me.. thankyou and yes I loved this book. It’s worth reading. You get so engrossed while reading it. The characters are described so well. It’s really captivating. I think one movie was also made on this book where Emily Blunt was the main character. I read it 2-3 years ago as far as I remember. 🤍☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oops, sorry. Actually I recommended it to you too. But so!e technical errors on clicking the reply option😅
        And yeah.. it is truly captivating!!
        The whole story is so well scripted, with a good irony actually.
        And yeah, I saw the movie too. They made it brilliantly!!
        Glad you liked it !

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Yeaa. The last time we had a conversation about the book was when she was at early chapters. And after that I completely forgot to ask her. 😄
        I just realised it today when you mentioned it . ☺️

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. 🙂 Yes you are right, it is best to realise what really matters. It is hard not to be affected by someone’s negative words. Especially because most of us are by default used to react immediately. It is hard to discipline ourselves to calm down and understand what really matters.
      Thanks. 🙂 I will check out your post.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Nicely put. But sadly it takes a lot of time to even get the courage of accepting one’s self completely, and instill the belief that we are not what some abusive narcissistic group of people want us to be. And sometimes it gets a bit too late. Although a few, but people do sometimes take drastic steps, unable to cope up with the mental health effects that gaslighting, and bullying cause. I wish the people suffering still now understand how special they are and how much difference could they make only if they keep some faith in themselves.
    Nice work , cheers!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment. I get a sense of ‘helplessness’ from your comment. I feel as if you are looking at them as ‘victims’ and someone who can barely do something about it. I have to say that it is a completely wrong attitude to bring a positive change.

      I don’t agree that it takes a lot of time to accept and change one’s own beliefs.
      It is only a matter of coming in contact with positive people, and filling up the mind with positive things. 21 days is all it takes to change any belief.
      If some negative people can impact you deeply in so less time, then same impact can happen by staying in touch with positive people, for a positive change.

      Believing that change is hard makes it harder than it really can be. Similarly, believing that a change is easy and effortless can make the process a lot smoother and faster. That is why I am putting this counter argument.

      It is important to believe that change in beliefs is easy and effortless. Without this belief, no one will even try to make a positive change in their life.

      If people start believing that they are victims, then they can never get out of this situation.

      Thanks and have a nice day 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmm I get your point, and maybe you are right. And I think this process becomes even more faster if you have some kinda passion. Something which gives you happiness no matter what. Like u know that no matter how much worse things could get, I’d still get some happiness in doing that thing, that I love. Like it gives a sense of purpose, a meaning to live.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes exactly my point.. staying positive and strong in all situations is a HUGE plus that can get us through almost any difficulty. As you said, doing what we love is one of the ways to find a meaning in every situation..:)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah… Well then things aren’t so difficult as it seems then eh ? All we have to do is to just change the glasses with which we’re viewing things. Hmmm sounds pretty inspiring. Anyways, it was nice to have some discussion with you in this topic. Cheers !!

        Liked by 1 person

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